How I started to struggle to call myself a christian and then came back around in the space of one blog

first off this isn’t going to be a blog about how I’m losing my faith – far from it. I love Jesus and I’m not ashamed of the gospel or doubt it’s truth and authenticity in any way.

What I’m struggling with is reconciling what Jesus said (and I paraphrase) with

” True religion is looking after orphans and widows” – ie. simply caring and loving people.

compared with all the:

  • Hypocricy
  • judgementalism
  • laziness
  • lack of courage
  • lack of discipline
  • inability to rationalise belief
  • ce la vie mentality
  • bells and smells
  • false political correctness
  • super fancy religious terms that make church more like a club or sports event than a group of people getting together in love for God and each other…

….that I seem to encounter when I look around. I seem to spend so much time saying “you can’t judge God by the people that say they believe in him I’m afraid.” HOW CRAP IS THAT? THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO!!!!!

Makes me so sad but I’m beginning to think ‘christian’ as a brand name doesn’t work – it’s too diluted, too political, too compromised but how else can I define my belief in a way that is clear and unequivocable? I know its not good to be some ranting nomad with no accountability and I can’t love God and hate some of the people in his church but I’m tired of trying to explain / justify the actions of people who I’m fundamentally sickened by…


…and then I look again at the list above and realise that I’m as guilty as anyone….

…and thats why I need a saviour.

God, thank you for your love
I love you and I want to do my best to peacefully love and care for people

in Jesus’ name, amen


About finchleymusic

Businessman, Singer/songwriter, traveller, worship leader & mentor
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