shot of dad taken for a local paper on his 25th Anniversary as a minister

My dad died a couple of weeks back. The funeral was last Friday. It was a true celebration of his life. A few people have asked to have a copy of my speech so I thought I’d put it up here on my blog>>>>

Hi everyone, thanks for coming to celebrate dad’s life with us. We all really appreciate it.

The other day my cousin, Karen facebooked me some memories of dad from his earlier years. I didn’t know any of this really and it’s a lovely insight into dad’s character:

Dad as a young man

“Your dad was probably my first crush.
1959, and my mom was all excited because her baby brother was coming for a visit. She hadn’t seen him since he was only a boy and he was 19 now. I have to tell you…I wasn’t very excited about his upcoming visit. He was a GROWNUP…and he didn’t have any children for me to play with. Another grownup in the house only meant another authority figure. I was six years old….and wasn’t impressed with authority!

As soon as I met your dad, I was impressed. He had a mustache!!! I never met anyone with a mustache before and thought that was COOL!!

My parents planned a weekend in Washington D.C. Again, I was not impressed….I didn’t see what all the fuss was about~looking at all these white buildings (the capital, the White House, and countless monuments). Boring, boring, BORING!!! The buildings in New York City were much taller and more impressive. Still, he managed to make the weekend bearable by holding my hand and paying special attention to me.

When we got back from the weekend, the fun began. My mom would drive us over to this little lake so we could go for a swim. Up until then…..the correct way to enter a body of water was to wade into the shallow end and slowly get yourself wet. Your dad broke the rules!!! He stood on this big rock at the water’s edge, and shocked the daylights out of me by DIVING into the water. A beautiful dive…hands over head, and did a streamline cut into the water. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Was there ANYTHING Uncle Fred couldn’t do????? I immediately wanted to try this, but my mom wouldn’t let me due to my age. I guess she figured I was hard enough to keep an eye on me, without me diving into water when I couldn’t even swim! But years later, that memory stayed with me and I DID learn to dive. (Thanks, Uncle Fred!!!)

1961, and the family was planning a trip to England. It was the first trip back since my Mom left. I was 8 years old. I was sooo excited about flying in a plane for the first time….and also excited about seeing Uncle Fred again. The rest of the trip didn’t really impress me, because I’d be meeting all these relatives that I didn’t even know. Mom tried to “pump me up”…telling me I was going to meet my OTHER grandma and some cousins…but the cousins were younger than me, so there would be no play time. Still….I was going to see COOL Uncle Fred….so I guess I could “suffer” through the rest of the trip.

From the moment I saw your dad, he made me feel special….as if I was a long-lost friend…someone who was important. My little 8-year old heart was in love!!! AND!!!!….he had a motorcycle!!!! I never knew anyone who had a motorcycle!!! And it had this little contraption stuck to the side of it that made it look weird. He explained that it was a sidecar, and asked me if I wanted to go for a ride. I couldn’t believe my luck…NO ONE had an uncle as cool as my Uncle Fred. Wait til the kids back home hear about this!!!!!

The most vivid memory of all though was when he took me to a little park that was down the road from my grandma’s house. It was across the street, and maybe about 8 houses down the road, and there were swings and other childhood attractions. But the coolest thing about the park, was the stone wall at the back of it, and the other side of the stone wall there were train tracks. Now…..I wasn’t a stupid child….but I also wasn’t the brightest either. I was a good student, and could do all the age-appropriate things a child my age should be able to do but I just couldn’t tie my shoelaces! Your dad lifted me up on that stone wall….and taught me how to tie a bow.

Looking back now…as a grownup…I think to myself, surely he had so many other things he could have been doing~he was probably 20-22 years old. He could have been with his mates….or a girlfriend…or doing ANYTHING other than spending that time with me. Yet there we were…just the two of us That single memory is the most precious thing I brought back with me. To this day, I STILL think of your dad when I tie my Nikes.

What a special young man….so warm, so loving, and sooooo very personable.

Picking up on Karen’s point about dad taking the time to show her how to tie her shoe laces the main thing I’d like to share is about what an awesome teacher dad was. My sister chris always talks about how he taught her gymnastics and used to walk on his hands in the garden when she was little. Here are some of my memories to add to this:

Getting the basics.

Ok, I’m 4 years old and dad has a cricket bat in my hand. We were living in Torquay at this point and we’re going over and the techniques for batting and bowling. Dad pointed out that Cricket teaches you a lot – it teaches you

• you have to be in it to win it
• that balance and timing are everything
• that you must always keep your eye on the ball
• …and play with a straight bat.
• That you need to continually adjust to what’s happening
• and that it’s all about the war, not the battles…
• …It’s about the bigger picture, not the quick win.

I wasn’t the most naturally talented player but I managed to go on to captain the school team and I’ve always tried to apply Dad’s lessons as best I could to the rest of life – get the basics right, understand and apply technique and then build up layers of experience up from there…That you can compete with people with more natural ability than you if you out-think them.

At 6 I was getting bullied at school and came home and complained to dad. He didn’t do what you might expect a minister to do! – He took me into the lounge and taught me how to throw a punch! – how to get in a position of power, where to aim, and the important strategic lesson – if you take out the leader the rest will follow!

The next day I did as he said and suffice to say I never got bullied again!

Aged 8 I was trying to copy a picture of a sailing ship and I was getting it all wrong. Dad showed me how to observe correctly, how to stub out the key elements in the right perspective and then fill in the detail afterward. On my second attempt I, by 8-year-old standards, managed to get it pretty much realistic! Again dad showed me how to get the basics right – this time looking at the world and focusing on the key things that I could build on.

Faith and knowing why you believe what you do.

This same theme continued throughout life:

1. question everything,
2. understand what the building blocks are
3. and work from there.

When I was in my early teens i was the kid that would go into mum and dads room, nudge dad and be like:

• what was before the beginning?
• Why give free choice if we have to obey?
• A virgin birth? really?
• dad, why did Jesus have to die?
• ..and many more questions….

He would patiently get up as early as 6am to explain how to rationalise, weigh up the arguments, look at the bible in the context of how history is recorded, the hebrew storying telling culture, the greek mindset, the nature of redemption and what alternatives creeds and religions teach.

Not once did he tell me to blindly believe – only what the argument were for and against and then helped me figure it out for myself. He’d say anything worth believing could stand up to being questioned.

Taking life as it comes

In my later teens there were two church splits fairly close together and mum and dad got really hurt. I remember talking to dad about it and he simply smiled and said people made mistakes and that they can let you down. But God would never let you down, he was totally reliable and that was really all that mattered in the end – if you’re conscience was clear and you were right before God.

He also pointed out that it wasn’t an accident Jesus described people like sheep. He pointed out that you need to be wary of crowds and peer pressure. he made me realise that you had to go with your gut – it could be the Holy Spirit’s lead. When the whole world was going one way if you felt you needed to go the opposite way then you needed to do it!! There’d be no peace otherwise – better to get it wrong than be ruled by fear. Particularly fear of people.

It was around this time as well that dad took a full-time teaching job as well as running a church. He’d travel a 100 miles a day, work 5 days a week and then run bible studies, mid-week meetings and two sunday services on top of that. He didn’t like it but he did it anyway because it needed to happen and that was that. Dad was always very pragmatic. If this was the reality then so be it, move on.

Again, these things stayed with me. He was a strong man. Someone you could believe in and he taught basics of understanding people and dealing with whatever came your way.

Equipped for life

As I grew up and left home he’d quote the apostle Paul in saying that I had to walk in the light God gave me. Same for my sister. We both ended up with slightly different theology to dad and he was fine with it. Despite being a scholar and minister for 50 years he was happy for us to find our own way.

Dad always wanted people to know WHY they did, thought and believed the things they did. He knew this would help them thrive and be equipped for life. I’ve met so many people in life since who are happy to teach but in reality are threatened when people surpass them. Dad was a consummate teacher and delighted when this happened.

When I was 16 he taught me to play guitar. We’d just jam country songs for hours. Later in life he’d tell people:
he taught me how to play..
but then I taught him to play properly!

He was delighted I surpassed him. So it was with everyone he taught. His legacy continues as the people he mentored have gone on to set up churches, bible colleges and head up the Baptist Union amongst a great many other things. If you listened to dad you did well.

Leading by example

Dad taught even until his last days. In the 6 weeks in the hospice he became one of the staff’s favourite patients as he taught us how to die.

Some things you just can’t teach. You have to live them and lead by example, and he did.

I’ve never seen anyone handle their bodies degeneration and their end with such dignity. He shone peace, grace and assurance throughout the whole process and it was inspiring for everyone – staff and other patients alike. My sister and I made a pact that we wouldn’t eulogize anything we hadn’t said to his face. As I recounted these stories to him and thanked him he kept just saying it was common sense. It wasn’t of course, we all know common sense is the least common but for dad this kind of living was just normal.

So there we have dad:

• A loving and caring teacher
• Gracious and dignified
• Someone who’s lived a life blessing, challenging and nurturing others

…and as cousin Linda said – someone who gave the best bear-hugs ever!
We’ll miss them…..and him.

When you start your walk in life you seem to quickly develop a concept of mountain top and valley experiences. With it comes an expectation that to make a success of being human it’s about getting to the mountain top and then staying there. Whatever it takes…

You soon realise that it’s actually impossible; but you fall into a mindset that the answer to this ‘lesser’ existence is that life is therefore about accepting there are valleys but striving to get up the mountain again as quick as possible and trying as hard as you can to stay there…

exhausting eh?

Then as time progresses you realise the valleys help you appreciate the mountains more and you don’t get so bent out of shape about it when you stay for a while…but you’re still thinking about the mountain…

However, sometimes you do stay on the mountain top for a little longer… and then it happens – it becomes a plateau – you’re just there with nowhere to go and it’s well, normal…

So, after further time you realise that most of your learning in life takes place in the valley and you start to realise that there’s value and life there too…

so you find yourself making your way back down again…

…and then it dawns on you that the journey up and down the hills from valleys to mountains and mountains to valleys actually introduces you to new people, new (& often shared) experiences, challenges, joys, trials and everything else… and you realise there are numerous routes up and down this thing and even higher peaks and lower depths than you’d realised before…

…and that actually life is all about ups and downs, rises and falls, successes and failures, bursts of energy and times of rest and in all of it you just need to savour the moment…

and be…

today

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:
   1. Respect for self
   2. Respect for others
   3. Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

tell stories.

And all in good time

embrace creativity,

have faith,

head the house,

change perspective,

be dad,

lose plan b,

ask for help.

Delight.

And wait…

Asher, our 15 month-old boy, started having croup at about 9.30pm. We rung the doctor but in parallel I just felt really strongly that I needed to pray and not just rely on medicine. I picked him and started praying but really had nothing to say in English so I started praying in tongues.

I just paced up and down the hall and landing in prayer.

While doing so I felt really strongly that I should keep going till the cough went. Slowly his breathing became easier and the cough more intermittent until he was quite peaceful. I then put him down without a complaint and he slept through.

It was a pretty powerful and profound event actually and, I feel something more significant than just God answering a simple prayer for Asher.  I think there was something applicable to the rest of my life.  Given:

• in Asher’s case there was no way he could intelectualise or theologise faith – he was dependant on me to pray for him.
• I haven’t got a clue what I actually prayed because it was in tongues so there was nothing in me that was getting in the way or praying the wrong thing
• The whole experience was just a God thing – based on a non-thought-through instinctual response.

…I think God was saying: “ok son, give up, chill, let me even do the praying for you for a time. All I want you to do is stay obedient and faithful”

…and so that’s what I’m going to do.

Everything and everyone worked in harmony to create a truly immersive experience.

A few highlights were:

• the 1211 band leading worship straight after Communion.  They came in as the communion was finishing, all sat in a circle all facing inward and the rest of us (about 150) sat around them.  There was no sense of performers/audience – we were all in it together, looking at each other, singing along; interacting.  Plus it was SO VERY COOL seeing it all be led from the drums!
  
• During the worship time one morning Brock Gill joined in and made a point about being filled with the spirit.  Being an illusionist he did this by arranging three bowls and filling them with water – nothing unusual in that but the bowls never got full and the jug he was using never emptied!  In context it was a very powerful way of describing the infinite, untapped blessings God has for us and we just need to be in a permanent state of being filled
• The Andrew Peterson show where his various band members did mini gigs acoustically or stripped down and then the main event was a full-on multi-musician extravaganza.  Through each ‘movement’ the lights changed, the sound swelled and changed - the whole experience was multi-sensory.

In the latter days of the conference the CEO of Audio ethics, the tech crew spoke on his approach to his ministry/job.  He was properly into the science of light and sound and how it affects human emotions. He knows what level of light causes reverence, what causes chatter, how different hues and intensity effect mood and so on.  He works in sync with speakers, artists, musicians to make everything seamless.  His heart is to effectively communicate the word of God and he’s a master of craft fully understanding how best to facilitate communication – even as far as how different nationalities / cultures respond to different freq’s of sound and light.

I’m really inspired by this and want to work hard to support the cohesion of teams at church and make sure there’s never any sense of ‘them and us’ with regards the tech crew and musicians.  I want to get to a place where we’re really pushing things hard in video, light, sound as different specialist disciplines all working in unison.

I want to create an immersive experience every time we meet as a church…or for that matter every time I’m involved in anything – it’s so much more powerful.

Andrew is an amazing singer/songwriter and Founder of the Rabbit Room and quite the Artisan – he’s all about his craft. He was discussing how, in his view, in the modern world we knock out books, we write chapters, we blast through paragraphs but we’ve stopped crafting the sentence – we don’t take time over the detail.

During his talk it was almost a passing comment but it really stuck with me. As a singer/songwriter myself but particularly as a worship leader and business leader I’m regularly in a place where my ability to convey an idea or capture a moment is everything I rely on. And yet, really, truly, how often do I take the time to actually ‘craft’ my sentences?

If I’m honest – not often.

I’m a wing-it kind of guy and I’m often at my strongest acting on the spur of the moment or dealing with situations on the fly but I’ve felt really challenged of late not to let this strength become an excuse. I want to write and record a worship album this year and I’m engaged in an increasing amount of public speaking at work

…and so ‘the lost of the sentence’ is buzzing round my head reminding me that I need to really sit down and craft my words.

Andrew Peterson played a show at Recreate with his fellow artists at Rabbit Room all of whom were amazing – particularly Andy Gullahorn – these guys REALLY knows how to craft a lyric – exquisite emotion but enough ambiguity to let you paint your own picture and own what they’re saying – you NEED to check their stuff out!

Another inspiration was Ken Davis on his talk about living as a Creative. I mentioned him in my last blog but he deserves mention again as a master craftsman of public speaking. For 45 mins he just told a few stories and one minute you were laughing and one minute you were crying – It was SO engaging.

The most striking thing though was when I looked at my notes.

I’ve pasted them below, just as I’d written them down listening to his stories – look at them – no mention of his stories in of themselves, just total life application for me – one sentence after another with the most profound truth (check the last one out – this is exactly what he did!):

Healthy relationships work through conflict. There’s no such a thing as no conflict

Most people long to be alive and don’t feel even close

Creatives only feel good when they’re living to the maximum extent

The Glory of God is man fully alive

Millions of people die at 25 but don’t get buried till 75. They die with their song still in them

I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection (this came from another master communicator – Paul!)

This life is not a waiting room for heaven

Comfortable, neutral, lazy & boring – a life of leisure is a life of death

Life comes from discipline

A body in motions stay in motion, a body in rest, rests in peace

Do I do what I do to live or to make a living?

The opposite of discipline is death

Failure is the price tag of success

We’re called to run the race not win it

Creatives should inspire other creatives as well as doing the business themselves

This guy has mastered the art of the sentence!

And I plan to as well…

As well as some great new songs, hopefully I might even blog a bit better in the future too!

I AM A CREATIVE!

Might seem funny to hear a musician and web designer making a proclamation of this fact but the truth is I’ve never really been able to say it before.  That is, before this year’s Recreate Conference in Franklin TN, and particularly the specific elements of the  keynote speeches from Randy Elrod *(particularly) and Ken Davis on what it is to be ‘a creative’ i.e. someone who is quintessentially definable as such.

I think up to that point to call myself ‘a’ creative rather than someone who ‘applies creativity’ or who ‘is’ creative would have been to call myself ‘a flake’ or ‘someone that think’s everyone else should pay for their self indulgence.’   Quite possibly because of the logical / scientific side of my personality; possibly because I’m a businessman that deals with the realities of the design industry daily, or maybe simply because I’m english (and we typically don’t want to create a fuss!) I’ve just generally had a problem with the associating myself with the moniker.  I haven’t liked the kinds of people it often brings to mind – disorganised, head-in-the-clouds, self-absorbed drop-outs…   (harsh?  yeah, probably but I’m trying to articulate a negative starting point!)

But now I don’t.  There’s too much evidence in my life of the  personality traits defined as being in the character make-up a person commonly as being ‘a creative’.  Here are just a few examples that spoke to me the most:

A creative has a generally more emotionally-charged form of Empathy

Randy identified the forms of empathy as being:

• Cognitive empathy – understanding intellectually how someone feels
• Emotional empathy – feeling how someone feels
• Compassionate empathy –  it’s like your living it with them

A Creative is more likely to be a compassionate empath.  This means they have some great strengths but also some very clear weaknesses.  In a simple example I know I’m best deployed at work when shaping the future, putting teams together, generally inspiring. I’m not best dealing with things like disciplinary or other HR processes where I may get so involved in someone’s story that it makes it a very emotionally draining process whereas someone with cognitive empathy will be able to do something sensitively but dispassionately.

A creative person is intuitive.

The spirit is to the soul what the mind is to the body and we need to understand our spiritual mind and remain connected to that which feeds the soul.  As a creative I think you have a natural awareness when something is missing, when the spark is gone – either in yourself or whatever you are objective considering.

Often times I have a general feeling about something well before I can articulate it.  For a long time I’ve forced this part of me down in favour of working through a logical process.  Because it’s describable and traceable I trust the logical process much more but as I’ve got older I’ve been able to speed this rationalisation process up and time and again my natural intuition has been proven right, even if I may early thoughts as to maybe why something is the case have been wrong.

An Interesting fact in all this is that almost all kids are scientifically validated as being ‘highly creative’ on a creativity scale – the results diminish as follows over time:

recreate songwriter's night

So last week I attended a gathering of creatives in Franklin, TN at a conference called Recreate. It was my first time there and a truly phenomenal experience. I was fortunate enough to be immersed in music, art, literature, theatre, business and a whole lot more besides alongside another 150 creative minds, speakers and leaders.

Checking through my Evernote notes there’s SO much to process and I figure the best way to do so would be to work through my notes and try and disseminate (or ‘diffuse’ as Randy would say) some key themes into some separate blogs. So watch this space over the next few days but in the meantime you can check out twitter:

• My tweets
• The Recreate Hashtag feed